Top 10 Things I Must Do Before Leaving My Position At The Cable

St. Scholastica's Student Newspaper
The Cable
By: Andrew Schreyer  - Student Journalist -
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Top 10 Things I Must Do Before Leaving My Position At The Cable

10. Drop off hairpiece at security desk.
9. Vacuum out the office and write down the printer's mileage.
8. One more week of sleeping in the Cable office, where I guard the Top 10 List Idea Cabinet.
7. Steal my weight in office supplies.
6. Let my Carpal Tunnel surgeon take a bow -- this has been his list as much as it has been mine.
5. Wait, I'm leaving?
4. Return artificial leg to props department.
3. Get one more cheap laugh by using the word "Buttafuoco."
2. Send change of address forms to that guy who keeps staring at me on the bus.
1. Leave? I still have one more week!!

And now, the winning Top 10 from the voting will get its reward by being rerun completely. For the first time in the history of the Cable, a Top 10 rerun!

Top 10 Signs You Aren't Graduating from College (4/29/11)

10. You once tried to eat a book.

9. "F" wasn't bad enough -- school added a "G" grade just for you.

8. You are the only sophomore with tenure.

7. Professors all agree - you're dumb.

6. When you ask what time graduation is, people just laugh.

5. Most of your freshman class passed away in 1998.

4. You form a study group to figure out how to get to the library.

3. Campus suggested you get a 30-year mortgage on your dorm room.

2. Only periodic elements you can name: "Sodium" and "Low sodium."

1. Just woke up from a party you went to in October 2008.